Created for Care Retreat

A few months ago a friend of mine sent a message on facebook about this adoptive mom's retreat that she was going to in February to those of us from church that have adopted children, foster children or are in the process of adopting.  I thought it would be fun and, even though I was already signed up to go on another retreat the weekend after that one, I decided to go.  I had no expectations.  I didn't really even think about it much and actually, I didn't even know where we were going!  So, when we got there on Friday I was just kind of along for the ride.  At first I thought I was going to be the odd-man-out because there was A LOT of talk about international adoptions and probably 75% of the women there had children adopted internationally or were in the process of adopting internationally.  I wouldn't really call myself a shy person, but it does take me a little bit of time to warm up in new situations and new people.  On top of feeling kind of left out for not having adopted internationally and being overwhelmed with a new place with new people, they split all of us (my friends from church that I was there with) up and put us at different tables according to what country we had adopted from for the first session that night.  I was TOTALLY out of my comfort zone and on the verge of tears at times.  So much for a relaxing weekend!  But, that night while the first speaker was telling her story of how she came to adopt 8 children from Russia the Lord spoke to me.  She was telling about when her son died and the places of her heart that died along with him and how the Lord healed her and brought her back to life.  As she was speaking I felt the Lord say, "I am going to do the same for you, Christy."  My heart still leaps when I think about it!  I had been praying and praying for God to heal my heart.  When my parents divorced almost 8 years ago I felt like a part of me died with the death of that marriage.  I have been told to "get over it", "it will just take time", "you should be happy that your parents are happy" among other good and bad advice.  I've been to counseling and I've had wonderful people in my life to help me walk through it.  I have come a long way over the years, but I still felt like there was this wall between me and God that, no matter how hard I tried, I could not tear down.  I knew I heard the Lord speak to me and so I expected something to happen right then... it didn't.  I kind of felt bad that I was expecting something so self-focused.  Here I was in a place where people were seeking healing for their adopted children and I wanted it for myself!  But, I knew what the Lord had told me and I felt like my children needed me to be free as much as I did.  I went to bed that night exhausted from the long day, but I couldn't sleep.  I was too excited and expectant!  The next day was a long day full of sessions on parenting adopted children.  I was so incredibly blessed by all of the sessions.  I learned so much about how to handle things like, talking to the girls about their adoption, talking to other people about the girls' adoption story and just basic how to be a godly mom.  It was really insightful.  At the same time, I was so nervous and excited about what God was going to do and when He was going to do it!  The last part of the day was dinner and our last main session of the day.  At the end we had a time of worship and all of the sudden there He was.  In an instant my heart broke and the waterworks came.  I felt like I was supposed to ask someone to pray for me, but being the independent woman that I am I couldn't.  So I prayed, "Lord, you know I'm not going to ask someone so will you please send someone to pray for me?".  As I sat down, my roommate, who was on her knees praying, said, "So do you want to pray?".  As I got down on my knees and she started to pray over me my heart started to melt.  God had shown her what to pray because she prayed EXACTLY what I needed in that moment.  As she prayed the bondage that I had been under was falling off.  The chains were broken and the wall was coming down.  I have never felt God's presence so strong or ever felt such freedom in my life that I can remember.  It was amazing.  I am free! I am free! I am free!  I know that this is just the beginning and I have a long way to go, but praise be to God I have never felt so free!  I feel like I can breathe for the first time in a long time.  He set me free from more than just the pain and bitterness from divorce, and He began to set me free from myself!  From the fear of rejection that I have lived with my entire life and the fear of being a failure.  What an awesome God we serve!  He took the little that I had and performed a miracle!  He began a good work in me and I know that He will complete it! (Philippians 1:6)