Speaking of Comfort...

Last time I wrote about God using me to comfort others during their time of suffering.  This time I am talking about God pushing me out of my "Comfort Zone"!  I hate to admit that I am pretty lazy.  A perfect day for me would be to sit on the couch, watch old movies and eat brownies all day long.  But, obviously, I can't do that every day and I know it (thankfully).  Having children, especially two at once, has made me a lot more active than I have been since college.  In January I started going to a weekly bible study called Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).  I mainly started going to get out of the house and do something that I could take the kids to and still get some time with other adult women.  I ended up loving it and really learning a lot through God's word so I decided to sign up for next year.  I was really excited about it because they were going to study Isaiah for the first time.  Well, a few months ago I got a call from my BSF Teaching Leader.  I thought she was going to say that they had too many people wanting to be a part of this study and since I missed a few times last year they were asking me to give up my spot.  But instead she said that someone had recommended me as a Group Leader!  I was shocked!  I mean, I started halfway through the year and I had to miss a few weeks because the girls were sick and... me?  Really?  And that's what I said... "Really?".  So, I prayed about it like she asked and then met with her a few days later after Tripp and I decided that this was God pushing me out of my comfort zone and I should do it.  If you know me at all, I would assume that you know why this is out of my comfort zone, but I will share anyway just in case I hide my insecurities better than I think I do.  #1: I have been a Christian for almost 25 years and I still don't know half of what I should know about God's word.  #2: I am more of a follower than a leader.  I mean, I have moments where I think I can do better that whoever is in charge, but when it comes down to proving it I end up making a fool of myself.  #3: Did I mention that I'm lazy?  #4: I struggle big time with a fear of rejection... and I have to call people!  Because of this fear, I hate calling people!  If you are a friend of mine and always wondered why I never call you... there you go.  This is one of the reasons I didn't do well at music business.  I HATE calling people.  You would think that the easiest way to handle rejection would be over the phone, but, not for me.  So, now the time has come to get serious about this.  Today, in the mail, I received my instructions for the upcoming year of BSF.  The first thing on my to do list is... drum roll.... to call everyone in my group.  Yikes!  Thankfully, my friend Wendy is in my group, so I was able to ease myself in by calling her first.  For a split second I thought, "I could wait until tomorrow to do this".  But, I bit the bullet and I did it!  God gave me the courage to do what I needed to do and I called them all.  It wasn't bad, either.  They were all pleasant and happy to hear from me.  I might as well get over this fear/hatred because I have to call them every week!  So, my first hurdle has been jumped.  Whew!  I know that this is what God has called me to do and I just have to believe that He will work out all of the details.  I  already feel a little encouraged with the accomplishment of this first step.

Reason for my blog name...

A few months ago I was praying about the desire that I still have to have a baby.  I would LOVE to be pregnant and have the whole breastfeeding and raising a child from the very beginning experience.  I was kind of surprised that I would still have this ache in my heart for these things after God has so graciously blessed us with 2 beautiful little girls through adoption.  I thought that this ache would go away after we adopted.  As I was praying about this and asking God to "Please take this desire away from me!", a Jars of Clay song came into my head.  Now, you wouldn't know the song unless you have ever been a big fan of Jars of Clay and listened to the first CD all the way to the end of the hidden track.  The hidden track song is the verse from 2 Corinthians 4:7.  It says, "We have this treasure in earthen vessels to show that this power is from God and not from us."  I kind of felt like the Lord was telling me that I may never get to be pregnant and He may never take the desire away, either.  Why?  "To show that this power is from God and not from us".  We live in a broken world, in "earthen vessels" or frail, human bodies that get sick and get hurt and sometimes don't ever get better until we see Jesus face to face.  But, our suffering serves a divine purpose.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement), Who comforts us in every trouble (calamity and affliction), so that we may also be able to comfort those who are in any kind of trouble or distress, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  I believe that the purpose of my initial infertility was that God had a plan to bless us with Michelle and Anna.  He knew them even before they were formed in the womb (Jer 1:5) and had a plan to make us a family.  I believe that my continuing infertility and the ache that still comes along with that is so that I can continue to share in the pain and, therefore, comfort other women that suffer because of infertility.  I have been encouraged by this.  Since this revelation, I have felt like I had a purpose and that God was going to use me to intercede in prayer for and be an encouragement to the (many) women that I know that are struggling with the pain of infertility right now and those that I will meet in the future.
So, I am writing this today because I am feeling that ache again.  I just can't help but love tiny newborn babies and pregnant women and just want to be a part of that whole thing!  Especially when I see it all around me!  I know at least 5 women that have had babies just in the last few weeks and many more that are due now or very soon.  So, do I still believe what God told me?  Yes, I do.  But, it's definitely not easy!  I have to draw closer to my Comforter and allow Him to comfort me so that I can in turn comfort others.  I don't think I really thought it would be easy.  I guess I kind of thought, since I knew there was a gospel-centered purpose to my suffering, that it would make it a little easier for me.  I am so thankful for the ability to write about it here and, even more, to be able to share this with those that I love that are suffering as well.  I pray that this would be an encouragement to you and not make you despair.  God is in control and He is our Good Father Who knows how to give good gifts to His children (Matt 7:11).   I am so blessed to have Michelle and Anna and I would not trade them for any biological child or the pregnancy experience or even to not have had to suffer with infertility.  It is all worth it for them and it is worth it to be able to live out the gospel in this way.  I close this with a thankful heart.  This desire may never go away, but neither will Jesus.

Signing Day

Today is the day that we finally get to sign adoption papers for Michelle and Anna.  The only problem is we don't exactly know what this means!  We know that this is the beginning of the adoption process through DFCS and that it is the big day we have been waiting for since the girls moved into our home.  I think that it means DFCS (Division of Family and Child Services) is through with the girls and we are now in charge and we are free to pursue the legal adoption where we go before a judge and the girls get new birth certificates.  Whatever it means, we are really excited and I'm sure we will find out everything we need to know once we get there.

It's amazing to think that just a little over a year ago we were so discouraged and about to give up on adopting through DFCS completely.  Then we got a call saying that another county wanted to interview us for two little girls, a 2 year old and a 5 month old.  As soon as we saw their pictures Tripp knew they were our little girls, but I was still floored when they called to tell us we were chosen to be the adoptive parents!  We had a few months of driving back and forth for visitations and we thought that would never end.  November 21, 2009 Michelle (2) and Anna (8 mos) moved into our home.  It hasn't been easy to go from just Tripp and Christy for 7 years to Tripp and Christy with two small children to raise!  We have had to step right into being disciplinarians (and we are not allowed to spank), caregivers and putting 2 little someones before ourselves.  But, God has given us lots of grace and we have been so blessed by these little girls.  Now, 9 months later, we are just hours away from the 2nd-to-the-last big step in this whole adoption process.  I can hardly wait for the next step when our girls will finally legally be Michelle Catherine and Anna Christine Freeman!