Sunday, July 1, 2012

From an Empty Nest to a Full Quiver

I was awakened out of a nice deep sleep at 5:30 this morning by a little voice calling "Mommy" from the other room. It turned out that both girls had had wet the bed so I set to work changing sheets and clothes and by the time I was able to lay back in bed I was wide awake. As I laid there, trying my hardest to go back to dreamland, it hit me how blessed I am to have those two little beauties in the other room, the sweet little boy that, as I was thinking about this, started to cry and then drifted back to sleep and the round belly that caused me to have to get up (yet again) and go potty so I didn't have to change my own sheets. I've told the story about how we came by the first two blessings, but I've been so busy and so tired that I haven't made time to stop and tell how we came about the other two. And since I'm already awake and it's on my mind, might as well get up and do it now!

We had always talked about adopting again once the girls were settled. We began talking more seriously about it late last year. In January, I turned in an application to our local adoption agency and then a few weeks later we felt, yet again, that the Lord was leading us back to DFCS (Human Resources, Division of Family and Children Services - foster care). This time we decided (mostly because I really wanted a newborn) that we would foster instead of foster-to-adopt like we did with the girls. By fostering instead of fostering-to-adopt we knew that we would be more likely to get an infant, but also that we would most likely not get to adopt the first baby that we were placed with. We were mentally preparing ourselves for this as well as preparing the girls, as best as we could.

March 8th we got the call we had been waiting almost two months for. They had a 2 month old, African American baby boy. I quickly started making calls and getting things together. Even though we had been planning this, we still didn't have some basic necessities. I went to pick him up at the DFCS office and he immediately took to me. "Uh oh.", I thought, "You cannot get attached to me, little guy, because this is only temporary!".  I brought him home, survived a week of sleepless nights before we finally got to meet with his caseworker. She informed us that it already looked like his case was going to go towards adoption. At this point we really felt like we could adopt him. She was thrilled to hear that we wanted to keep him if he went up for adoption and put our name in big letters on top of her notes. We were completely unaware of what challenges we were about to face.

As the second week of having Timothy went on I was getting more and more exhausted. I had never had a baby this young before, so I thought I was just tired from late night feedings and taking care of him and two very active girls. By the end of the week I was starting to think that maybe it could be something else. My period was now almost two weeks late. I still wasn't thinking that I was pregnant (I had long since given up on that notion), I just thought that maybe something was wrong. By Sunday evening, as Tripp was playing drums at church and I broke down under stress and exhaustion, my friend took all the kids from me and strongly suggested I take some time for myself and even more strongly suggested that I buy a pregnancy test. So I did. It was positive. I couldn't believe it. I showed Tripp when he got home and he DIDN'T believe it. He made me take another one. It was positive. The next day he called me from work and told me to take the last one in the box. It was positive. When he got home he took me to the drugstore to buy another box. They were both positive. We were in shock! After 8 long years were we FINALLY having a baby?

Why now? Here we had this little baby boy that needed us and we were having a baby. I was so tired and eventually felling so sick all the time that I could not imagine taking care of TWO babies plus a 5 year old and a very, very active 3 year old. Add to that the opposition we were getting from a few family members because of Timothy's race and we were just so overwhelmed that we didn't know what to do. During this time Tripp and I were stretched beyond what we thought we could handle. We were worn out physically, spiritually and emotionally.

As to not drag this story out too much, I'll give you a brief overview of the few months between then and where we are now...
God has graciously shown us our own sin and selfishness through this little boy. He has shown us how to give up our own desires for the needs of another, how to love those that are different than us, how to love those who oppose us, how to stand firm on what you believe in, how to persevere through difficult circumstances and much, much more. Timothy's case is still pending, but we already love him as our own. I can't imagine not having him as my son. I would go to the moon and back for him. I will be devastated if we lose him.

God is so good. Who would have thought 8 years ago when we started this journey of trying to have a family that we would be where we are now. Who would have thought that Tripp and I would have 4 children in 3 years time! Who would have thought that Tripp Freeman would actually entertain the thought of having 5 or 6 children? Not me!

One of our good friends encouraged me with a verse when we were in the most difficult time of our infertility struggle. Isaiah is speaking of the barren woman when he says in Isaiah 54:2 "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes." He may not have known at the time that this was prophetic as we have had to do this very thing this year! We have had to make room in our tiny house for all the children that the Lord has blessed us with! Another verse that the same friend encouraged us with as we were struggling over whether or not we were supposed to adopt Timothy is Psalm 127:3-5 "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children are a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."

Thank you, Jesus, for our full quiver. Or, maybe it's not quite full, yet.  :)