Reason for my blog name...

A few months ago I was praying about the desire that I still have to have a baby.  I would LOVE to be pregnant and have the whole breastfeeding and raising a child from the very beginning experience.  I was kind of surprised that I would still have this ache in my heart for these things after God has so graciously blessed us with 2 beautiful little girls through adoption.  I thought that this ache would go away after we adopted.  As I was praying about this and asking God to "Please take this desire away from me!", a Jars of Clay song came into my head.  Now, you wouldn't know the song unless you have ever been a big fan of Jars of Clay and listened to the first CD all the way to the end of the hidden track.  The hidden track song is the verse from 2 Corinthians 4:7.  It says, "We have this treasure in earthen vessels to show that this power is from God and not from us."  I kind of felt like the Lord was telling me that I may never get to be pregnant and He may never take the desire away, either.  Why?  "To show that this power is from God and not from us".  We live in a broken world, in "earthen vessels" or frail, human bodies that get sick and get hurt and sometimes don't ever get better until we see Jesus face to face.  But, our suffering serves a divine purpose.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement), Who comforts us in every trouble (calamity and affliction), so that we may also be able to comfort those who are in any kind of trouble or distress, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  I believe that the purpose of my initial infertility was that God had a plan to bless us with Michelle and Anna.  He knew them even before they were formed in the womb (Jer 1:5) and had a plan to make us a family.  I believe that my continuing infertility and the ache that still comes along with that is so that I can continue to share in the pain and, therefore, comfort other women that suffer because of infertility.  I have been encouraged by this.  Since this revelation, I have felt like I had a purpose and that God was going to use me to intercede in prayer for and be an encouragement to the (many) women that I know that are struggling with the pain of infertility right now and those that I will meet in the future.
So, I am writing this today because I am feeling that ache again.  I just can't help but love tiny newborn babies and pregnant women and just want to be a part of that whole thing!  Especially when I see it all around me!  I know at least 5 women that have had babies just in the last few weeks and many more that are due now or very soon.  So, do I still believe what God told me?  Yes, I do.  But, it's definitely not easy!  I have to draw closer to my Comforter and allow Him to comfort me so that I can in turn comfort others.  I don't think I really thought it would be easy.  I guess I kind of thought, since I knew there was a gospel-centered purpose to my suffering, that it would make it a little easier for me.  I am so thankful for the ability to write about it here and, even more, to be able to share this with those that I love that are suffering as well.  I pray that this would be an encouragement to you and not make you despair.  God is in control and He is our Good Father Who knows how to give good gifts to His children (Matt 7:11).   I am so blessed to have Michelle and Anna and I would not trade them for any biological child or the pregnancy experience or even to not have had to suffer with infertility.  It is all worth it for them and it is worth it to be able to live out the gospel in this way.  I close this with a thankful heart.  This desire may never go away, but neither will Jesus.