Tripp and Christy's Amazing Adventure

Tripp and Christy met in Memphis, Tennessee at Visible Music College in August of 2001. They had a brief conversation at orientation when Tripp commented on Christy's Poor Old Lu t-shirt and Tripp thought to himself, "You know...if it doesn't work out with the other girl that I followed here from the ATL, I could probably marry her.". 

As the year went on a friendship formed which led to love and when school was out Tripp and Christy left Memphis for Texas, where they got engaged and in December of that year, married. They decided that the big city of Houston was not for them and headed for Green Acres... trailer park, that is, just outside of Atlanta where they made a cozy little home. A few months there and it was back to Texas, where they continued to grow restless until a friend said, "Hey, come back to Memphis!".  So they did. They spent a whole year in Memphis, working and making friends until they decided it was time to have babies and Georgia was on their minds. So they packed up and headed back to Georgia. Macon, Georgia, this time.  They established their careers there and bought a house, preparing for the baby that just wouldn't seem to come. A few years of this and they decided that maybe adoption was the plan for them and so they quickly went from 2 to 4 when Michelle and Anna joined their little family.  Their hearts were now full with these two beautiful little girls and you would think the story would end here, or at least slow down and get pretty boring. But, wait! There's more...

After a few years as a family of four, they decided it was time for their family to grow again. Maybe adoption in the future, but for now they wanted to love on those that may be only half orphan... foster children. Babies to be exact. Because Christy had still never had an itty-bitty one and her heart longed to snuggle a squishy new baby. A few short months after they began this new journey, 2 month old little Timothy came along. And oh the waves this little brown boy would make! But, they loved him as their own and decided to adopt him, if they could. Little did they know that something else was brewing. Something very itty-bitty. Something wonderful. A little miracle from their loving Father... they were finally going to have a belly baby!

Now this little adventure was getting kind of scary! Two babies! What would they do with two babies? How would they manage doubling their family in less than 9 months? Oh... but God had this all planned from the beginning. He knew they would eventually come to see this as the most beautiful time in their lives. Two beautiful babies would join Michelle and Anna and their little family of four would become a family of six. Big baby T in March and little baby Audrey in December, born at home (Christy's dream birth) 11 days before their 10 year anniversary.

This is not the end of their story. They have many happy years and adventures to come. Maybe more children or maybe something entirely new.  One thing is fore sure, the first 10 years have been the happiest and the most amazing years of their lives.

It's a ...

From an Empty Nest to a Full Quiver

I was awakened out of a nice deep sleep at 5:30 this morning by a little voice calling "Mommy" from the other room. It turned out that both girls had had wet the bed so I set to work changing sheets and clothes and by the time I was able to lay back in bed I was wide awake. As I laid there, trying my hardest to go back to dreamland, it hit me how blessed I am to have those two little beauties in the other room, the sweet little boy that, as I was thinking about this, started to cry and then drifted back to sleep and the round belly that caused me to have to get up (yet again) and go potty so I didn't have to change my own sheets. I've told the story about how we came by the first two blessings, but I've been so busy and so tired that I haven't made time to stop and tell how we came about the other two. And since I'm already awake and it's on my mind, might as well get up and do it now!

We had always talked about adopting again once the girls were settled. We began talking more seriously about it late last year. In January, I turned in an application to our local adoption agency and then a few weeks later we felt, yet again, that the Lord was leading us back to DFCS (Human Resources, Division of Family and Children Services - foster care). This time we decided (mostly because I really wanted a newborn) that we would foster instead of foster-to-adopt like we did with the girls. By fostering instead of fostering-to-adopt we knew that we would be more likely to get an infant, but also that we would most likely not get to adopt the first baby that we were placed with. We were mentally preparing ourselves for this as well as preparing the girls, as best as we could.

March 8th we got the call we had been waiting almost two months for. They had a 2 month old, African American baby boy. I quickly started making calls and getting things together. Even though we had been planning this, we still didn't have some basic necessities. I went to pick him up at the DFCS office and he immediately took to me. "Uh oh.", I thought, "You cannot get attached to me, little guy, because this is only temporary!".  I brought him home, survived a week of sleepless nights before we finally got to meet with his caseworker. She informed us that it already looked like his case was going to go towards adoption. At this point we really felt like we could adopt him. She was thrilled to hear that we wanted to keep him if he went up for adoption and put our name in big letters on top of her notes. We were completely unaware of what challenges we were about to face.

As the second week of having Timothy went on I was getting more and more exhausted. I had never had a baby this young before, so I thought I was just tired from late night feedings and taking care of him and two very active girls. By the end of the week I was starting to think that maybe it could be something else. My period was now almost two weeks late. I still wasn't thinking that I was pregnant (I had long since given up on that notion), I just thought that maybe something was wrong. By Sunday evening, as Tripp was playing drums at church and I broke down under stress and exhaustion, my friend took all the kids from me and strongly suggested I take some time for myself and even more strongly suggested that I buy a pregnancy test. So I did. It was positive. I couldn't believe it. I showed Tripp when he got home and he DIDN'T believe it. He made me take another one. It was positive. The next day he called me from work and told me to take the last one in the box. It was positive. When he got home he took me to the drugstore to buy another box. They were both positive. We were in shock! After 8 long years were we FINALLY having a baby?

Why now? Here we had this little baby boy that needed us and we were having a baby. I was so tired and eventually felling so sick all the time that I could not imagine taking care of TWO babies plus a 5 year old and a very, very active 3 year old. Add to that the opposition we were getting from a few family members because of Timothy's race and we were just so overwhelmed that we didn't know what to do. During this time Tripp and I were stretched beyond what we thought we could handle. We were worn out physically, spiritually and emotionally.

As to not drag this story out too much, I'll give you a brief overview of the few months between then and where we are now...
God has graciously shown us our own sin and selfishness through this little boy. He has shown us how to give up our own desires for the needs of another, how to love those that are different than us, how to love those who oppose us, how to stand firm on what you believe in, how to persevere through difficult circumstances and much, much more. Timothy's case is still pending, but we already love him as our own. I can't imagine not having him as my son. I would go to the moon and back for him. I will be devastated if we lose him.

God is so good. Who would have thought 8 years ago when we started this journey of trying to have a family that we would be where we are now. Who would have thought that Tripp and I would have 4 children in 3 years time! Who would have thought that Tripp Freeman would actually entertain the thought of having 5 or 6 children? Not me!

One of our good friends encouraged me with a verse when we were in the most difficult time of our infertility struggle. Isaiah is speaking of the barren woman when he says in Isaiah 54:2 "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes." He may not have known at the time that this was prophetic as we have had to do this very thing this year! We have had to make room in our tiny house for all the children that the Lord has blessed us with! Another verse that the same friend encouraged us with as we were struggling over whether or not we were supposed to adopt Timothy is Psalm 127:3-5 "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children are a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."

Thank you, Jesus, for our full quiver. Or, maybe it's not quite full, yet.  :)

Who has time for this stuff anyway?

So, I am ashamed that this is my first (real) post of 2012.  It's actually the first post in many, many months.  I have been so busy with BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), running Michelle to ballet and soccer, chasing Anna (who is running right towards the terrible 3's), getting ready to be a foster parent... whew!  No wonder I haven't had time to write!

I started this blog at first as sort of a way to journal; just to get my thoughts out of my head and send them out into the void.  Then, I realized that I have family all over the US (the world, actually) that wanted updates on our family and this would be a great way to share with them what was going on.  It turned out, instead, to be a way to sort of flesh out my spiritual growth.  I realized after writing a few months that fleshing out my spiritual growth for the world to see is not that easy.  I got kind of embarrassed.  Spiritual growth (from now on I will call it sanctification) means that you are constantly changing and that what you say today may seem so silly tomorrow.  I sat down one day and decided to write about all the things that God was teaching me and how much I had changed over the last 10 years or so.  Thankfully I accidentally hit the wrong key and somehow erased the entire thing right before the autosave.  I was frustrated and had to walk away from the computer and stew over it for a few days.  That's when I realized that some of the things that I was saying might alienate people that I loved, and not necessarily in a godly way.  It was a good thing that didn't get published!  After that I was kind of blog shy.  I love to write, but I just didn't want to anymore.  Then I got busy, like I mentioned  at the beginning.

So, like I said in my most recent "hey, I'm still here" post, I went to the Created for Care retreat and felt kind of ashamed that I hadn't been keeping up with my blog and felt like I needed to come home and update.  But... I came home in the middle of God doing something to challenge me.  I was so ready to write about how I was frustrated about this and frustrated about that and how dare people treat me like that, etc.  I was feeling pretty good about myself and how much I had grown and all the things I was "doing for the Lord".  Then comes Tuesday (my BSF Leadership day) and the new lesson.  We were now in 1 Corinthians.  Paul is calling out the Corinthians for their spiritual pride and God called me out on mine.  It hit me for the first time how I sounded.  "How dare people treat me like an outcast!"  "I'm doing just fine!  I don't need their pity!"  Wow!  I had no idea how bad I sounded.  I was embarrassed that I had actually said all this stuff out loud to my friend, Susan.  Ugh!  And He didn't stop there.  A week later I am having to humbly call a friend and apologize for acting like a fool.

Pride stinks.  Nobody likes to be around a prideful person.  But, I've been avoiding dealing with my pride issue for years!  I was beginning to think that maybe God was just going to let me slide on this one!  I really did not want to deal with it.  It's one of those soft spots that is just to sensitive to deal with and too hard to overcome.  But, here I am, right in the middle of sanctification, and God wants it all.  I think I forgot for a moment that sanctification never ends.  That there will always be something that needs to be purged out.  It sucks sometimes, but Paul says in 1 Corinthians 4:14 "I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children."  I am God's child and "the Lord Disciplines those He loves" (Proverbs 3:12 and Hebrews 12:6).  The verse that I have been holding onto for the last year is this... Philippians 1:6b "... he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  I am nowhere near done with my battle with pride, but I believe that God is more gracious to me than I am to myself.  I pray that I will begin to see the needs and concerns of other people more important than what I feel like I deserve.

Bueller...Bueller...

So, I realized when I went to Created for Care adoptive mom's retreat this weekend that I have not updated my blog in forever!  I don't even know if anyone really keeps up with this, but if you do, you have probably been wondering where I am!  There is definitely something on my mind from the weekend that I would like to write about.  I promise to make some time to do that soon!

The Trouble With Life

Today I just feel like writing about the sadness I have been feeling lately due to my infertility.


Now, I know what some of you are going to say... "But remember how blessed you are to have two beautiful and perfectly healthy little girls!".  This struggle of mine does not mean that I don't realize how blessed I am.  I would not trade my girls for even one chance to be pregnant.  I am thankful for how God ordained things in our lives.  But, I still feel a sense of loss.  I still feel like I am missing out on something wonderful.  I still have that dream that I have had since I was a little girl to feel a baby growing in my womb.  And I don't think it will ever go away.  You also have to remember that there are lots of women that suffer from Secondary Infertility.  They have one child and for some reason are not able to conceive again.  Contrary to what some believe, this kind of infertility is not any easier on a woman.  I would say this could be close to what I am going through.

I wrote this last week.  I go through periods like this where I just feel so sad that we can't seem to get pregnant.  This feeling for me comes and goes since we have gotten the girls.  It's not as constant as it was before we adopted, but it's still there at times.  I guess I didn't finish the post because, even though I'm pretty open and honest with my struggles, it still makes me feel very vulnerable to put all of my feelings out there for the world to see.  Especially since my feelings change like Michelle changes clothes!  But, I feel like, as hard as it is to be so vulnerable sometimes, maybe someone else is struggling and needs to know that they are not alone.

I don't know if I will ever NOT want to have a baby.  I'm afraid that this sorrow will hover over me my entire life.  It doesn't seem fair.  I wish God would just completely change my heart and make me not care if I got pregnant or not.  To not be so obsessed with babies, pregnancy, home births and all that stuff.  I wish it wasn't so hard to go to church and see a pregnant women every time I turn around.  Thankfully, I don't struggle as bad as some women do.  I guess it's because I am so obsessed with the whole pregnancy thing that in almost 7 years of infertility I have never felt like I couldn't rejoice with someone that gets pregnant and I have never avoided a baby shower.  I love celebrating new life.  But, I still wish it was me that was being congratulated and my belly that was being measured with a roll of toilet paper.

I will end with this...
I know that this world is fallen.  That bad things happen to good people and that we are not guaranteed to live healthy, wealthy and prosperous lives here on this earth.  If we were, then what would we have to look forward to?  Someone posted a quote ( I think it's a line from a song) on facebook and it has stuck with me ever since I saw it.  It said, "Sometimes my greatest disappointments and the hurting of this life are a remider of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy."  The trouble with life is that "in this life you will have trouble" (John 16:33).  Whether it's suffering for the cause of Christ, because of your faith or because of sickness, natural disaster, poverty, infertility... whatever.  Noone is above suffering of one kind or another.  I know that no matter how much I want to get pregnant, it may never happen and I may never be completely at peace with that.  And that's okay.  It's okay to be sad and to feel frustrated at times.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."

To Adopt or Support?

This is the big question on my mind lately.  Even though Tripp and I have only just recently finalized the adoption of Michelle and Anna, we have been their parents for about a year-and-a-half.  I figured, like most people told me over and over, that we would get pregnant as soon as we adopted.  Which was fine with me since Anna was already 8 months old when they moved in with us.  But, it didn't happen.  I was suprised that this actually discouraged me.  I mean... I should just be grateful that God blessed us with these two beautiful little girls and not complain about not getting to be pregnant or not having a little boy!  So I gave it to Him.  I felt like the Lord was telling me that this was part of my ministry to my childless friends.  I could relate to them like most could not.  I had been blessed with children and yet I still understood and felt the pain that they were feeling.
Then something happened...
It started with the adoptive mom's retreat.  I joked before going about coming home convinced that we needed to adopt from Africa.  That almost happened!  I came home with this huge burden for children in Uganda and a desire to change our lifestyle and help this ministry (Sixty Feet) that helped imprisoned children in Uganda.  I didn't feel like we were supposed to adopt from Uganda, or anywhere at all, really.  But, I was excited about encouraging other people to adopt and helping those that had already decided to do so.  I still had a strong desire to get pregnant and even felt like the Lord told me to ask Him for this, and I did.  I began praying that I would get pregnant.  Tripp even started talking about wanting a boy.  Michelle was asking when she was going to get a baby brother.  So, we all kind of started praying for a baby.  Not furvently, but just sort of like "Oh and by the way, Lord, can we have a baby?".  This went on for maybe 2 months.  Then I started to think that maybe two was enough.  I realized how blessed we have been and how much more we could do for Michelle and Anna if it were just the two of them.  I started to feel content.  I actually stopped wanting to get pregnant.  Now, I have been trying to get pregnant for a loooong time.  So I know all the tricks that your mind can play and how subconsiously you start to think that maybe if I stop wanting it so badly that will be what God wanted me to do and He will finally let me get pregnant, or my body will relax and I will finally be able to get pregnant.  I wondered if that's all it was.  But, it didn't really feel like that.  It felt more like complete contentment.  I didn't know how long it would last, if it was temporary relief or if this was really a change of heart, but it felt good.
Then the cupcake sale...
Michelle wanted to see pictures of the kids in Uganda that we were helping so we went to their website (www.sixtyfeet.org) and started watching the videos.  This was the first time I sat down to watch these videos since seeing the movie at the adoptive mom's retreat.  My heart began to stir and I started to think about adoption.  At first I was thinking international adoption, probably Uganda.  Then I started seeing all of these adoption placement videos on Facebook with couples adopting domesticly and I started thinking about how much I would love to adopt a newborn.  The passion that I had for the whole  pregnancy experience of having a home birth and breastfeeding my child was changing.  Instead, I was falling in love with adoption.  I kept all of this to myself because, even though Tripp wouldn't mind if we got pregnant or if someone just randomly asked us to adopt a baby, I knew that he didn't want to go looking for another kid!  I just began to pray about what was in my heart.  But then, wonder of all wonders, Tripp actually brings up the subject of possibly fostering or adopting!  Maybe this was God!
So, here we are.  We are interested in adopting again.  Is this God or is this us?  The idea for Tripp was that we get too caught up in being compfortable and having stuff that we want and maybe it's time to let go of some of that.  That's a great thing, but are we supposed to adopt?  I have this passionate love for adoption, but is it for us to do or for us to support others on their adoption journey?  I still feel somewhat content with having only my two girls, but at the same time I would love to have a new baby.
I don't really have any revelation on this.  I'm afraid this blog post is going to end unanswered.
I will say this... God's word is clear about how He wants us to set the oppressed free, feed the hungry (Isaiah 58:6-7) and to care for the widows and the orphans (JAMES 1:27)...

I wrote this is April.  I don't know why I never published it.  Shortly after I wrote this we actually started talking about adopting from India.  I read this article about how, even with enouragement and assistance from the government for people who have girls, there is still a huge problem of people prefering to have boys and, therefore, abandoning or aborting girl babies.  So, Tripp and I started talking about what we should do... do we pursue India?... do we pursue adopting a newborn domestically?... or do we just try to support others who feel called to adopt?  Tripp decided that we should work on getting our house in order (we have a remodeling project that we need to finish to make room for another child) and wait one year before we start pursuing another adoption.  So that's where we have been for the last few months.  The next post (that I also started but never completed) will tell you where I am right now with the whole thing.   So, I guess I should say...

To be continued...